I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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