Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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