I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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