I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
