you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
