she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
