I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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