If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
