Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
