Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
