i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Everyone says I win the strip club
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
