Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize