You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
