I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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