all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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