Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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