I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My ass is underappreciated
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
