At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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