sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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