Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
