i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
