I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Randomize
