don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
