Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
