i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
