friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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