matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
...so i touched it.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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