i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
