so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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