I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
