i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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