its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Did I show you my penis last night?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
