I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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