Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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