you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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