I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
