that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Randomize
