guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
