Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
