Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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