barbara walters just said penis...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
