we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
