So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
