he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
