I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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