remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
