'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
