I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
