cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
