I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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