What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
