would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
