It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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