So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
