We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm always down for nudity.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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