that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
