Screwed.edu
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
People in love make me want to vomit
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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