we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
