one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You don't make any sense
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