She's JV to your varsity
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
