I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
