I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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