You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
