i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
