what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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